Perhaps I was still really taking it to heart.
How naive I am.
How I missed the old times, again.
Amazingly,
the most bombastic moment back to the old church I'd grown up with,
the youth group I grew up with,
the friends, pals, seniors, juniors, whatever it is,
and the junior 3 friends, the craziest gang I've ever had!
We just had so much fun in it!
15, the most incredible moment happened in my life!
It's just a sense of belonging, simply just there, used to be part of me.
No wonder Taylor Swift specifically sang about fifteen,
the awesome things that happened back in then.
And after 15,
things changed, life turned upside down.
Had the most awkward circumstances,
the most embarrassing faces,
the immature way of dealing with problems,
and the more we grow up,
the lesser friends we have,
of course it applies the same to me.
I always believe that if God had put me in it,
He wanted me to learn something,
without meaningless purposes.
I do appreciate.
And I don't mind at all the amount of the friends I have,
as long as we are genuinely be treated,
even if just 1,
or a few,
it really, really doesn't matter.
Actually for the past few years,
been trying hard to sway away from the social circles Im in,
to experience total different cultures,
be it friends, social life, environment, future career, whatever it is.
Without saying that the current situation is bad,
Im really grateful and be appreciated for God has blessed me on,
and it is just amazing and more than what I expected!
I guess as time goes by,
the sense of belonging has gone by time after time,
I don't feel myself in any positions,
maybe that's why I feel unsecured,
especially what has happened in sec senior schooling days,
that was a nightmare,
not referring to anyone involved in these.
That was also the time I switched to a new church,
some kind of forces and unwillingness,
I was very down over that period,
blamed on my parents for so-called forcing us to change,
after that,
I became very sensitive.
And I just came to realize recently,
it was my personal inner emotional reflection.
Due to the familiarity among friends,
that really strips me out,
I can't seem to get hold of myself properly.
I fell again and again,
and I learned my lesson.
I hurt some people in the process of learning,
but does someone know I suffer the twice?
Im not trying to gain sympathy,
and I seriously do not need it,
it's just the common misconception that how people look at me.
And I thank God for letting me understand all these,
with various incidents compiling into realizations.
It took me several years to link all mind issues,
how hilarious my life is.
You know among all friends, you suffered the most.
You might not understand what is it all about,
and I don't expect you do.
If you do, that's encouraging,
if not, that really doesn't a thing.
It's not that I don't care,
and because I really care,
I would rather let nature takes it course,
which means let God teaches us how to do.
If it's God's will,
things will come naturally.
Ok I admit Im just kinda emo all of sudden,
off to bed.
Night, my father God.
